Bondage to Free Us
Bondage to free us
Rewiring trauma and learning to trust
(Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. It is a consensual practice that involves a variety of erotic activities and dynamics centered around power exchange, role-playing, and physical restraint. The framework of BDSM is built on key principles such as consent, communication, and trust. Participants engage in these activities with mutual agreement, ensuring that boundaries and limits are respected. Key rules within the BDSM community include the use of safe words to signal when activities should stop, and the practice of RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink))
BDSM can be a touchy subject for the general population, often misunderstood but incredibly powerful with so much potential for growth, connection and HEALING. Yeah, you read that right. We're going to dive into some incredibly juicy stuff. exploring a world that may be new to you, that has the potential to rewire neural pathways associated with trauma. Were going to touch on topics like consent, communication, aftercare, and trust. Please join us with an open mind and heart. Here we go.
“ “BDSM and kink is an ideal practice ground because it requires such conscious awareness, decision making, and communication before anything begins””
Consent is Key
One of the key elements of BDSM is the emphasis on consent and negotiation. As Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist, puts it, “BDSM and kink is an ideal practice ground because it requires such conscious awareness, decision making, and communication before anything begins” . This structured approach helps trauma survivors regain a sense of control over their bodies and environments, which is essential for healing.
Reclaiming Trust and Control
Trauma often leaves individuals experiencing feelings of powerless and disconnected from their bodies. With its emphasis on negotiation, consent, and aftercare, BDSM offers a structured environment where individuals can regain a sense of control. Dr. Holly Richmond notes, “…When done well, it involves explicit communication and boundaries around what the experience will and won’t entail” . By engaging in BDSM, trauma survivors can reclaim their bodies and experiences. The structured nature of BDSM scenes allows for predictability and safety, crucial for those healing from trauma. It’s about creating a safe space where boundaries are respected and communication is paramount.
““ Communication in a D/s relationship goes beyond everyday dialogue; it involves deep and continuous conversations about needs, limits, and experiences. Effective communication techniques include active listening, where each partner truly hears and understands the other’s words, and empathy, where they try to feel and understand each other’s perspectives”
The Therapeutic Benefits of BDSM
Engaging in BDSM can help rewire the brain by creating new, positive experiences that counteract past traumatic ones. This process, known as neuroplasticity, allows individuals to build new neural pathways associated with safety and pleasure rather than fear and pain. According to a 2021 study, BDSM practices can help trauma survivors regain control, redefine pain, and reclaim power, contributing to psychological well-being and posttraumatic growth. The structured environment of BDSM, with its emphasis on consent and aftercare where partners check in and provide comfort, is especially important for maintaining emotional balance by integrating the experience. Aftercare mirrors therapeutic practices and helps to soothe trauma responses by fostering a sense of safety and trust.
These topics can bring up so many things within us. Want to go deeper? Heres a collection of journal promts to encourage you to continue exploring this topic.
Journal Prompts:
Reflect on a time when you felt truly heard and respected. How did that experience impact your sense of self and your relationships with others?
What boundaries and safe words would you establish before a BDSM scene to ensure you feel secure and respected?
Consider your boundaries in different aspects of your life. Do you feel confident in your ability to communicate these boundaries to others?
Think about the concept of trust. What does trust mean to you, and how can you build and maintain it in your relationships?
Reflect on a past experience where you felt a loss of control. How might a consensual BDSM scene help you reclaim that sense of control?
List your personal desires and boundaries when it comes to a BDSM scene ( if that feels to much start with intimacy in general)? How do you feel about expressing these openly to your partner? Consider the emotions that arise when thinking about both giving and receiving boundaries.
When your experiencing something that doesnt feel right for you, how confidently can you say no in the moment? Does the structure and practice of consistantly checking in feel good to you?
How does the concept of aftercare in BDSM resonate with your need for emotional closure and safety after a vulnerable experience?
Whatever your past experience, you deserve consentual, respectful relationships. Nobody should ever make you feel pressured to do anything you do not want to do. You are worthy of the experience you desire. The road to rewireing is long and complex and there is no one size fits all path.
Resources
Help is always available
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National Sexual Assault Hotline
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