SINGLE BUT NOT ALONE

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We don't have a lot of places in our society where being single is celebrated.

Hi my name is Megan,

 I am twenty six years old, I have never been in a relationship. When my friend Kelly asked me to write about being single I was a bit surprised. Being single feels very normal to me, but the more I thought about it,

 I realized we don't have a lot of places in our society where being single is celebrated.Where a single person is considered whole, complete, and living an abundant life. Think of all the romance movies and TV shows, they often focus on someone finding love and then the story is complete. Though I do love my fair share of Rom Coms, period dramas, and TV shows, they are telling a message that our story isn't complete until we find love.  

… they felt like they were waiting

for their life to really start.

Growing up I thought a lot about how I would be married one day and have a life partner. When I was about ten years old I remember older women complaining to my Mom about how they wanted a family and didn't feel complete, how they felt like they were waiting for their life to really start. That bothered me, I wondered if that was what it was like to be an adult woman. I decided I didn't want to feel that way when I got older, that I would live life as fully as I could and not wait around for a partner before I could feel like my life was coming together.

 In my late teens I began to focus on personal growth and emotional health. 

I experienced trauma in my childhood that began to make the idea of marriage feel unsafe to me. I saw a lot of unhealthy relationships and saw people stuck in a lot of pain. That was frightening. It took me a long time to repair that image of a committed life partner and to feel a desire for it again.  

 I began to put some pretty basic beliefs into practice, like “if you don't love yourself how can you teach someone else to love you?” (Yes we teach people how we want to be loved!)

Something else I realized was that at the end of the day I am left alone with myself. That if I spent all my life loving others and never got to know and love the very essence of my own self I would be missing out on one of the biggest pieces of living. So I began the journey I am still on and hope never ends. To love and listen to my heart, to truly see myself and allow others to see me. Being single has allowed me the space and time to truly do that. 

It's something powerful to realize that all along you have had the power

to love you in the depth that which you have ached for another to do.

I discovered that within me is enough love, enough comfort, enough safety, hope, courage, and anything else I had been waiting for others to give me my whole life. 

It's something powerful to realize that all along you have had the power to love you in the depth that which you have ached for another to do. Whether it be your parents, friends, a partner, or other family members. To acknowledge the pain of others not being able to love in the ways we want is really important and to allow yourself to.

 Once you begin to love yourself and meet your own needs so much unlocks for you. The love that people do have to offer becomes sweeter because it is a gift not a necessity that feels too short lived. 

I have also focused a lot of energy into building meaningful friendships. The people I have chosen as friends have changed my life. They have loved me in ways I didn't know I needed, called out areas of growth, challenged me, and sat and held me while I was in pain. They in turn invited me into their pain, mess, and dreams. I have experienced some of the deepest and sweetest moments of true intimacy through my friends.

I truly believe everyone is waiting to feel seen and loved, not for who they will be, who they were, but for who they are in the moment you make eye contact with them. Finding people in your life who are willing to go there with you, who have the capacity to choose depth, who are fighting for their own healing and growth, will make being single/living life the most amazing experience. 

From a young age I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't wait for a partner to live my life fully, to feel passionate and happy. 

Would a partner be a gift yes absolutely, but my life is so beautiful and I feel so fulfilled as it already is. 

It is easy to get caught up feeling unhappy about things we do not have and allow that to take up so much space in our mind and heart. It is good to grieve what you wish you had and let yourself feel a desire for something more, but it doesn’t take away the truth that you are already complete, that you have all the power to create the life you want, that you can go after your dreams and goals. 

It is good to grieve what you wish you had and let yourself feel a desire for something more, but it doesn’t take away the truth that you are already complete

Being single does not have to be a lonely place where you feel like everyone else has something you don't, or that you are being constantly nagged by friends and family to date someone. If you haven't dated in a long time, have always been single, or recently gotten out of a relationship,  that is ok, this is your story, your life, and you get to live it out in a way that is true for you. The most powerful thing we can do is love ourselves, give ourselves space for healing, and begin trusting those around us to practice living it out. 

DIG DEEP 

Journaling Prompts:

What fear surrounds  being “alone” for you?

In what ways are you fighting for your own healing and growth in your life?

What are you waiting for to begin living your life fully?

If you started being fully present for yourself and your friends what possibilities open up?

What big move could you make to say to yourself I am worthy of all the love I desire?

In what ways do you express love to yourself?

Do you have people in your life who you can be vulnerable with?

In what ways can you cultivate more meaningful relationships?

How are you willing to show up for the people in your life and create space for others to be vulnerable with you?

You are so beautiful, so loved, so seen, and you have so much power within you. 

Your life can be whatever you want it to look like, you can dream and set goals, travel, create, love, and let others love you back. Whatever form love looks like in any season you are in, trust that it is there and its deep and powerful. You are enough. Truly whether you are single or in a relationship finding comfort in knowing you are so much more than the relationships you are in. That you are an individual and that is beautiful. 

Xoxo Megs